


Fools

by Stalling_writer



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad original poems by me, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Non-Binary Charlie Dalton, Non-binary character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stalling_writer/pseuds/Stalling_writer
Summary: When Todd loses his prized journal, Neil and Charlie are determined to help the one they love. As a result, great things happen.Title comes from the song "Fools" by Lauren Aquilina
Relationships: Charlie Dalton/Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Charlie Dalton, Todd Anderson/Charlie Dalton/Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	1. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd becomes aware of his lost journal. Panicking ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Always" by Isak Danielson

It only takes one conversation for Charlie to discover three things about Todd. 

1.) He's become infinitely more comfortable with Neil and Charlie  
2.) The journal Mr. Keating once gave him is incredibly important to Todd  
3.) Charlie hates when Todd is panicking and they're too far away to help 

The realizations come shortly after a panicked phone call at 2 in the morning, which wakes up both Charlie and Neil. 

The two wake with a jolt at the sound of Charlie's ringtone. Blearily, Charlie answers the call without checking the Caller ID. 

"Charlie?" Todd's panicked voice greets him, trembling and strained. 

"Todd?" Charlie asks. Beside him, Neil perks up and leans in close to listen. "Hey, what's wrong?" 

"I-I can't find my journal. I think I might've lost it. Have you seen it?" 

"Hang on a second, Todd." Charlie says, exchanging a glance with Neil. "I'm going to put you on speaker." 

Charlie presses the button for speaker phone, and Neil speaks up. "Todd? What's the matter?" 

"Neil?" Todd's voice becomes even tighter, and Charlie is suddenly afraid he'll choke on it. "Oh! Oh no, I woke you up. Did I wake you up?" 

"Todd, De-" Charlie starts. "I mean...don't worry about waking us up." 

Neil stifles a snicker beside them, and Charlie rolls their eyes. As if Neil isn't also constantly biting back the pet names he longs to use on Todd. 

Charlie and Neil love each other, it is an undeniable fact. But that doesn't mean that they can't love more than one person...and Todd has become that other person for both of them. 

It's kind of sad, really. The amount of pining the two do over Todd is starting to get ridiculous. Charlie figures the two of them should just tell Todd how they feel, but Neil isn't sure. What if it freaks Todd out and they lose him for good? 

"B-but I should've waited." Todd stammers, and Charlie turns their face away from Neil. "I'm sorry. I can just call back in the morning." 

"Todd." Neil pipes up. "This is clearly important to you, and...no offense...but you don't exactly sound okay. I'd rather you stay on the phone and talk to us about what's going on." 

"Besides," Charlie adds, "we're already awake now. And poor Neil will be up all night worrying about you unless you spill." 

Neil scoffs. "As if you won't be worried too, Charlie!" 

Todd is silent from his end of the phone. 

"Todd?" Charlie asks after a moment. "You still there?" 

"Yeah." Comes Todd's voice. 

"Wanna tell us what's going on?" Neil prompts. 

"I...my journal is gone." Todd starts, his voice raising in pitch as he continues. "I can't find it, and I think I might've lost it, and I was wondering if either of you had seen it?" 

"Well..." Neil starts, brows furrowing as he thinks. "You had it with you when you came over for our movie. Do you remember the last place you saw it?" 

"N-no. I was just looking for it and now it's gone and-" 

"Whoa." Charlie interrupts. "Deep breaths, Todd. We can't help you find your journal if you're hyperventilating, right?" 

Todd answers with a shaky exhale. 

"Good!" Charlie encourages. "Now how does this sound? You've probably already turned your apartment upside down looking for your journal. So, tomorrow - er, I guess...later today - you come back over here and we'll help you turn our apartment upside down for your journal. Sound good?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds fine." Todd agrees. 

"Good." Charlie smiles, forgetting Todd can't see it. "So we'll see you then. Around 11?" 

"Around 11 is great!" Neil answers for Todd. "That way Todd has time to sleep before he comes over, since I know he hasn't gone to bed yet if he's been looking for his journal." 

"Neil!" Todd whines in protest. 

"No, Neil's right." Charlie says. "Get some sleep, Toddy. We'll see you tomorrow, okay?" 

"See you tomorrow." Todd responds. 

"Bye Todd." Charlie and Neil chorus before hanging up the phone. 

In the silence that follows, Neil and Charlie simply stare at each other for a moment. 

"Do you think he's actually going to sleep?" Neil asks at last. 

"No...I don't really think so. I just hope he can calm down." Charlie bites their lip. "Should we have stayed on the phone with him?" 

"I'm not sure we could've helped him." Neil sighs, running a hand through his hair. 

"Well...hey!" Charlie brightens. "Look at it this way. If Todd's exhausted when he comes over - and we both know he will be - then we have an excuse to have him stay." 

"But what if he wants to go home?" 

"Then we let him go, obviously. But if it's a weak excuse - for example, I should go home and eat - then we just offer him food or whatever." 

"Are you sure this plan is going to work?" Neil asks, eyebrow arching incredulously. 

"No." Charlie shrugs. "But we both want Todd to stay, so it won't hurt to try."


	2. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd comes over to begin searching for his journal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from "Wings" by Birdy. Also, some original poetry by me in this chapter. Just a heads up!

Neil repeats the question again thirty minutes before Todd is supposed to come over. "Are you sure your plan is going to work? I mean, what if we accidentally pressure Todd into staying? You know he feels bad turning anyone down." 

"Just trust me." Charlie says. "I don't think we have anything to worry about." 

The half hour before Todd is supposed to arrive passes quickly, and before long there is a knock on the door to Charlie and Neil's apartment. 

Neil opens the door with a smile to catch Todd stifling a yawn. 

"Hey, Todd!" Neil says, deciding not to acknowledge the yawn yet. "Come on in." 

"Hi, Neil." Todd greets, stepping inside. 

_He looks stressed,_ Neil thinks. _Which is understandable._

"I'm really sorry about last night." Todd mumbles after a moment. 

"It's okay." Neil says earnestly. "I know how much that journal means to you. God, it'd be like if I lost my script. Or if Charlie lost their saxophone." 

Todd manages a small smile. "Charlie still has that thing?" He asks. 

Neil rolls his eyes fondly. "Yep. And they get it out at the worst times too. We get at least one noise complaint per month." 

The laugh that comes from Todd makes Neil's heart flutter. A proud smile grows on his face. He had done that! He had distracted Todd and made him feel better, if only for a moment. 

Charlie arrives then, a soft smile on his face. Neil wants to kiss them for looking so cute. Neil wants to kiss both the people in the apartment, but fights back the urge. 

"Hiya, Todd." Charlie greets. 

"Hey, Charlie." 

"Ready to tear this place apart?" Charlie sounds way too excited about the mess they're about to make. 

"I...I don't know about tearing anything apart." Todd says. "I figured I'd just...look around?" 

Charlie fakes a disappointed expression. "Fine then. I guess I'll have to tear this place apart myself!" 

"You have to clean up your mess!" Neil warns. 

"You are sooo not fun." Charlie mutters, pouting. 

Todd smiles at the interaction, trying to ignore the pang of longing in his chest. 

It had been a shock when Todd realized he loves his two closest friends. Of course, he had gone through the five stages of grief immediately after figuring it out. 

But he's fine now! Totally fine and not devastated over the people he can't have. Definitely. 

Todd pushes away his thoughts and chokes back a yawn, trailing after Neil as he leads the way around the apartment. 

"Okay..." Neil starts. "So you were in the kitchen with us, and then eventually we wound up in the living room for a movie. There's not really anywhere else you could've lost your journal, right?" 

"Right." Todd agrees. 

Charlie takes the lead and practically charges into the kitchen, making a big show out of looking in the cereal boxes for Todd's journal. Neil knows it's an effort to make Todd laugh, hoping to get the barely imperceptible (but all too obvious) tightness in the boy's shoulders to disappear. 

It doesn't work; Todd is too busy fiddling with his hands after not spotting his journal right away. 

Charlie notices and stops, making their way over to Todd. "Hey," They start, putting their hand over Todd's, "we're gonna find your journal, okay?" 

Todd takes a shaky breath. "Yeah, okay." He mumbles. Before Todd knows what's happening, Charlie is pulling him into a hug, and Neil is suddenly there too. 

Todd thinks he has never felt so loved and so far from it all at once. He wants this all the time - this sense of belonging and care. He's craved it all his life, and Todd isn't sure he'll ever have enough of it - let alone too much. The notion terrifies him. 

After a moment, Todd forces himself to pull away, covering his mouth as another yawn escapes. 

"Should we check the living room?" Neil suggests. 

Charlie agrees for Todd, grabbing his hand and leading him into the living room. 

The search for Todd's journal takes longer there, and Charlie has abandoned their theatrics. It's only when they still haven't found the journal and Todd looks close to tears that Charlie jokingly pulls a cushion off of the couch. 

There lies Todd's journal, the brown leather cover staring up at Charlie. It looks completely unscathed from its time in the couch, and the pen attached to it is still there. 

"Hey!" Charlie exclaims. "I found it!" 

"Y-you did?" Todd asks, and then spots it. "You did!" 

Charlie drops the couch cushion when Todd throws himself at Charlie for a hug. 

"Thank you." Todd says into their shoulder. 

"Of course." Charlie answers softly, wrapping their arms around Todd. _This is nice, everyone silently agrees._

Todd pulls away, but Charlie doesn't mind when he hugs Neil and thanks him too. 

"You're the best." Todd informs the two of them, pulling away from his hug with Neil. Charlie and Neil can see that the tightness in Todd's shoulders has almost completely disappeared. 

Neil hands Todd his journal. "Here you go, Mr. Anderson." He says. "Now, might I humbly request you read us a poem?" 

Todd freezes for a second, then drops his head. He stares down at the journal in his hands, fiddling with the pen attached to it. 

Just as Neil is about to say he was only joking, Todd speaks. 

"I'll read an excerpt," Todd says without looking up, "But _only_ because you helped me find my journal." 

Todd begins to flip through his journal, looking for something he deems "worthy" of being read aloud. Charlie replaces the couch cushion and settles on it as they wait. Neil sits on the cushion next to them. The two watch raptly as Todd begins to read. 

"The trouble with the present?  
It is this:  
I spend so much time mourning -  
The past,  
How I'll miss this moment in the future -  
That I forget to live there.  
The present passes idly by,  
And I am too busy grieving to seize it." 

Todd glances up nervously when he's finished, looking at his two friends. 

Charlie is smirking, but their features are soft. Neil looks awestruck, his mouth agape and eyes full of...something. 

Todd thinks it might be adoration (he won't let himself think it could be love - even if he wants it to be). The same emotion is mirrored in Charlie's eyes. 

"W-what'd you think?" Todd eventually asks when the silence and staring becomes too much. 

"Todd...that was amazing." Charlie breathes. "You're amazing! Keating was so right about you." 

Todd flushes, the tips of his ears glowing pink. "Thanks, Charlie." He mumbles. "Neil? You okay?" 

Neil blinks away his shock, unfreezing. "I love it." He starts. "I love yo-your last bit, about the present passing idly by." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Neil pats the space between him and Charlie. Todd sits, placing the journal in his lap. He relaxes as both Charlie and Neil lean so their shoulders touch. 

Todd thinks again of how badly he wants this all the time. He wants it so badly it hurts. Todd isn't sure how much longer he can keep this pain between himself and the pages of his journal. How long before he breaks and tells Charlie and Neil? How long before Todd ruins everything? 

"Todd?" Charlie asks, pulling him from his thoughts. "Do you think you'll ever get published one day?" 

Todd sighs. "I'd love to." He starts. "I'd love to publish a book of poems and everything. I'd dedicate it to Keating and the Society. But...I don't know. It's scary. I don't think I could do it." He stares up at the ceiling, shame welling in his gut. 

"I think you could." Neil says softly. "I never thought I could be an actor, but I'm doing it. You're braver than you think, Todd." 

"Thanks." Todd manages. Tears prick his eyes, but he fights them back. He yawns again, exhausted. 

Charlie laughs to Todd's left. "Go to sleep, Toddy." They say. "We know you didn't sleep last night." 

Todd flushes. "Should I go?" 

"No." Charlie answers simply. "We want you to stay." 

Todd tries not to read too much into their words. Instead, he closes his eyes and tries to sleep. It comes easily, Todd discovers. Why wouldn't it come easy when he's surrounded by the people he loves most, feeling comfortable and safe and warm?


	3. Halcyon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd sleeps. Charlie and Neil discover things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Halcyon" by The Paper Kites. Also, this chapter contains (even more) original poetry by me, so be warned! I hope you enjoy!!

Todd's head rolls onto Charlie's shoulder after he falls asleep, subconsciously nuzzling into the side of their neck. 

Neil watches in awe. _Todd looks so peaceful when he sleeps,_ He thinks. _But he can't be comfortable like this._

"Charlie?" Neil whispers. "Should we move Todd?" 

Charlie shoots Neil an unimpressed look. "Jealous much?" He whispers back. 

"That's not what I meant!" Neil whisper shouts. "I just don't want Todd to wake up with a terrible crick in his neck. You can keep his head in your lap, if it so pleases you." 

"Okay, fine." Charlie agrees. "But wait a few more minutes. I'm not sure how deeply asleep he is yet." 

The next few minutes pass in silence, before Charlie deems it "safe" to move Todd. Somehow, they manage to do it without waking Todd, even after a loudly whispered argument regarding the best way not to wake Todd. 

"He must not have slept at _all_ last night." Charlie muses, running their fingers gently through Todd's hair. Concern makes their face look pinched. 

"What's the matter?" Neil eventually asks. 

"Do you think Todd gets enough sleep?" Charlie starts. "Consistently, I mean. Like, there's nobody with him to make sure he takes care of himself-" 

"And he _says_ he can take care of himself-" Neil adds disbelievingly. 

"But I just worry." Charlie finishes. 

"That's just a part of what love is, I think." Neil offers. "I mean, I worry about you all the time. And I worry about Todd. I want you both safe. I love you both." 

Todd stirs, and the couple freezes. Thankfully, Todd doesn't wake, and simply turns onto his side. His notebook drops to the floor, the pages falling open. 

Neil picks it up. Words flow down the page, and clearly formed stanzas are present. _It's a poem_ , Neil thinks. _Obviously._ But seeing that his name and Charlie's have been assigned to stanzas is what piques Neil's interest the most. 

"Charlie." Neil starts. 

"Neil?" Charlie looks up from Todd, fingers still combing through his hair. "What's wrong?" 

"Todd's written a poem about _us_." 

Charlie stops brushing through Todd's hair. In his sleep, Todd makes a displeased noise and presses his head into Charlie's hand. 

Charlie shushes Todd softly and resumes petting his hair. "Are you going to read it?" They ask. 

"Should we?" 

"I'm not going to stop you." 

Neil bites his lip, looking down at the open journal in his hands. He is quiet for a moment. "I'm going to read it out loud." Neil announces. 

Charlie nods his approval. 

"This one has my name next to it," Neil begins.   
"Wildfire,   
You destroyed me.   
I am burned,   
Scorched by the things you make me feel.   
I only pray this new life you brought -   
This wonderful idea of action -   
Is one I can grow into.   
I hope I am strong enough,   
To rise like a phoenix from the ashes of Before." 

Neil stares at the page, silence filling the room in the wake of Todd's written words. Neil blinks a few times before continuing. "This one has your name next to it." He tells Charlie weakly. 

"Hurricane,   
You wrecked me.   
I am eroded,   
Flooded by the things you make me feel.   
I only pray this change you bring -   
This amazing thought of courage -   
Is one that will not kill me.   
I hope I am determined enough,   
To stay afloat in the river of Monotony." 

"Is there any more?" Charlie manages. They have stopped brushing Todd's hair, but the boy is too deeply asleep to notice. 

Neil simply nods before continuing. 

"Such powerful things:   
The fire and the flood.   
One would think they should cancel,   
Destroy one another and make a hideous thing.   
But instead they are beauty,   
They make beauty.   
Steam,   
Curling and warm.   
How wish I could be that. 

But I am not steam.   
I am not some part of these forces,   
Though I'd like to be.   
Instead I am this:   
I am a checker in your chess game,   
The wrong note in your duo.   
Thus I shall stay in the audience,   
Watching from the back." 

"Neil." Charlie interrupts. "Todd's gonna get cold. Can you get him a blanket? And...and then keep going?" 

Neil does as Charlie asks, knowing it was their way of asking for a moment to process. Neil knows he needs one too. As he tucks their softest blanket around Todd, his mind whirls. What was Todd trying to say in his poem? 

Neil begins to read again.   
"I suppose I am the Earth,   
Though perhaps I give myself too much credit.   
But I am shaped by you,   
Like the Earth by these forces.   
I will never be the same because of you,   
And I love you for it." 

"Oh." Charlie breathes in the silence that follows. "Oh! Neil, do you know what that means? Neil?" 

"Todd...he loves us." Neil says. He stares down at the poem like it's something holy. "He loves us back." 

"Neil, we can tell him now." Charlie's voice is soft, and when Neil looks up from the journal they are staring between Todd and Neil. 

"Do you want to?" Neil asks. "Today? We can't mention this poem, you know." 

"I know. But I still think we should tell him. I - we - can't risk him slipping away from us somehow." 

"Carpe Diem." Neil agrees. "How are we going to do this?"


	4. Send Me On My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd wakes up. Confessions are made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Chapter title is from"Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root. Thank you to @ncilpcrry and @laughincryintumblinmumblin for the song suggestions I used as chapter titles :)

When Todd wakes, he's confused. This doesn't feel like his pillow, or his bed, and...what is with all the whispering? 

Slowly, Todd remembers. He's at Charlie and Neil's apartment; he had fallen asleep. He becomes aware of a hand brushing through his hair. It feels nice. Todd opens his eyes and is greeted by Neil's brown ones. 

"Hey." Neil says with a smile. It looks teasing, like Neil knows something he doesn't, but Todd doesn't mind. 

"Hi." Todd breathes. He is struck with the realization that he wouldn't mind waking up like this everyday. 'Was I asleep for long?" 

"A couple hours." Charlie answers, their hands still playing with Todd's hair. "I wouldn't say that long." 

"That's good." Todd says. "I'm sorry I fell asleep." 

"Don't be!" Neil objects. "It's good you're getting rest. Sleep is good." 

"Have you been sleeping okay?" Charlie asks. 

Todd wants to hate their ability to ask the tough questions, he really does. He wants to hate how Charlie can ask things Todd doesn't want to answer like it's easy. Todd doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how anyone can care so much about him to ask things like this. 

"Todd?" Neil prompts, concern tainting his voice. 

"Uh, kinda?" Todd answers. 

"What does that mean?" Charlie probes, voice sounding a little too cheery. Todd knows he's worried them, and he hates himself for it. 

"I...I've never slept well." Todd admits, sitting up. He regrets the decision the moment Charlie's warmth is gone, despite the blanket he hadn't noticed that is draped over him. "I mean, even back at Welton my sleep schedule was...sketchy...at best. It's just hard for me to...to fall asleep and stay asleep, I guess." 

"You slept fine here." Neil points out. 

"Yeah, well that's because I felt..." _I felt safe. I was with you._ Todd bites back the words. "I was tired. I didn't sleep much at all last night." 

Charlie hums. "Well, I'm glad you were able to get some sleep." They exchange a glance with Neil, and Todd notices the pair looks nervous. 

"Is...everything okay?" Todd asks. Anxiety is starting to rise in him, what ifs beginning to swirl in his head. 

"Todd," Neil starts, biting his lip. "Um, we... _gosh_ this is hard." 

Todd swallows nervously. "D-did I do something wrong?" 

"No. It's just-" 

"Neil, Babe, you're freaking him out!" Charlie interrupts. They turn to Todd. "You've done nothing wrong, Toddy. It's quite the opposite, really." 

"I'm...not sure I understand." 

"Todd," Neil starts again, "You're amazing. And...Charlie and I - we care about you. Alot." 

"Thanks?" Todd says, confused. "I care about the two of you alot too." _More than you think_ , Todd adds silently. 

Charlie groans and buries their face in their hands. "Neil, aren't you supposed to be an actor? Can't you...recite Shakespeare or something?" 

"I didn't really have time to prepare anything, Charlie!" Neil shoots back. 

The two start to bicker before curiosity gets the better of Todd. 

"I don't understand." He pipes up. "What's this all about?" 

"Todd, we want you to stay with us. All the time." Neil says. 

"We love you, Toddy." Charlie adds. 

They both sound so sincere, but Todd is still confused. Surely he must be dreaming? "I don't understand." He repeats. "You - both of you - love me? Y-you want me around, and...really?" 

"Of course!" Charlie says. "Todd, you don't see yourself the way we see you, but believe us when we say you're amazing, okay?" 

Todd's head is spinning. _This...is this real?_ He thinks. _It doesn't feel like a dream. God, this is overwhelming._

"You don't have to say anything back." Neil adds softly. "If you'd rather go...we would understand." 

"N-no!" Todd stutters. "I don't want to go, if you don't want me to. I-I feel...I feel the same way. About both of you." 

"Yeah?" Neil asks. He sounds like a child on their birthday, preparing to open their presents and get the toy they've been asking for all year. Todd loves him for that, for the way he can make a single word be full of such hope. 

"Yeah." Todd says. "How...how can I not feel the same way about you two? You're both a-astonishing. You've changed my life, in the best way possible." 

"Give yourself some credit." Charlie scoffs, but the way they're beaming takes any bite out of their words. "Come here." They say, opening their arms. 

Todd lets the blanket fall from his shoulders and scoots into Charlie's arms, letting himself be squeezed tightly. It forces the air from his lungs for a moment, and the second he gets his breath back Neil is throwing himself at the pair. 

Todd fights back tears. Can he really have this all the time? He pulls away from the hug - a difficult feat, considering how tangled they've managed to become on the couch. 

"Do you...do you _really_ mean it?" He asks in response to Charlie and Neil's concerned looks. "You want me - the way you have each other?" He needs to know, even if he feels foolish for asking. 

"Yes." Neil says. Todd is reminded of the way Neil had once told him "no." The same definitive tone is there, as is the softness in his eyes and the smile pulling at his lips. 

"Absolutely." Charlie laughs, but it isn't mocking. "You're in your head too much, Toddy." 

Todd blushes and shrugs. "Well, sometimes I've got to be. I mean, this feels too good to be true." 

"It's not, I promise." Neil says. "How can we convince you?" 

Todd is quiet as he contemplates Neil's question. "I think this is enough." He says at last. "I just need to wait for it to sink it." 

"Take all the time you need." Charlie smiles. "We'll wait for you." 

"Patience has never been either of your strong suits." Todd laughs. 

"It could be," Neil says sincerely, "if it was for you." 

The sentiment steals the air from Todd's lungs. "I love you." He manages shakily. "Both of you." 

"We love you too." 

Charlie has never been so glad for lost journals in all his life. 


End file.
